For men over the age of 70, opening up about personal feelings can be a challenging and unfamiliar territory. They belong to a generation that valued resilience, independence, and emotional restraint, with cultural norms that often discouraged men from sharing their emotions. But in today’s world, we know that talking about feelings has profound benefits for mental health and overall well-being. In this article, we’ll explore why many older men struggle to express their emotions, how generational influences have shaped their attitudes, and what we can do to create a safe space for these conversations.
The Generational Influence on Emotional Expression
Older men grew up in a time when men were encouraged to be “strong” in a way that didn’t leave much room for vulnerability. In the post-war era and well into the 1960s, men were often expected to bear responsibilities without complaint, work hard without rest, and avoid anything that might appear as emotional “weakness.” Cultural narratives positioned men as providers and protectors, qualities often equated with stoicism, self-sufficiency, and silence when it came to personal struggles.
Even today, many men over 70 feel the weight of these expectations. Expressing emotions may feel counter to the qualities they’ve spent a lifetime building. In some cases, they might worry that by sharing their inner feelings, they could lose respect from others, feel like they’re burdening friends or family, or even be perceived as weak.
Fear of Vulnerability and Losing Independence
As men enter their senior years, they often face life changes that can be incredibly challenging: retirement, declining physical health, or the loss of lifelong friends and partners. These changes, while deeply impactful, can make older men feel vulnerable or even powerless. Many worry that discussing their emotions, especially about ageing-related struggles, might reinforce a sense of dependency or weakness they’re trying to avoid.
For men who value independence, talking about feelings may feel like an admission that they can no longer “handle” life on their own. But ironically, suppressing these emotions can lead to more stress, anxiety, and even isolation. Expressing emotions can actually strengthen bonds, foster a sense of support, and help with mental resilience—qualities that can enhance independence in other ways.
Cultural Stigma and Mental Health Care Barriers
Men in their 70s grew up in a time when mental health care wasn’t as accessible or widely discussed. Seeking professional help was rare, and mental health resources were often limited or stigmatised. Depression, anxiety, or grief was seen as a personal issue to “tough out,” not something requiring outside support.
This cultural stigma around mental health care still influences older men today. Many are less familiar with therapy, counselling, or peer support groups. As a result, they might not fully realise the benefits these resources offer or may feel hesitant to seek them out, even when they’re needed.
Breaking Down the Barriers: Why It’s Worth Opening Up
Fortunately, today’s world is shifting toward a more open, understanding approach to mental health. Talking about feelings isn’t just a social trend; it’s supported by extensive research highlighting the benefits of emotional expression. For men in their later years, this shift provides an opportunity to take a fresh look at the value of discussing feelings and the impact it can have on well-being.
Opening up can help to:
Reduce Loneliness and IsolationLoneliness is a significant concern for many older adults, especially men who may have smaller social circles as they age. Sharing experiences and feelings can strengthen connections with family members and friends, helping them feel more engaged and less isolated.
Improve Mental and Physical HealthBottling up emotions is linked to higher levels of stress, anxiety, and depression, which can also contribute to physical health problems like high blood pressure and heart disease. Regularly expressing feelings, whether in conversation or even journaling, can provide relief and reduce stress.
Build Resilience for Life’s ChallengesMany older men find that when they start discussing their feelings, they develop new ways of coping with life’s challenges. Expressing emotions can lead to helpful advice, practical solutions, or simply the reassurance of knowing they’re not alone.
Gain New Perspectives and InsightsTalking with others about feelings can reveal fresh perspectives that may make tough situations feel less overwhelming. Whether it’s navigating grief, facing health concerns, or adjusting to retirement, sharing these experiences can provide comfort and insight.
Leave a Legacy of Open CommunicationFor many older men, modelling open communication with their children, grandchildren, or community members can leave a lasting impact. Breaking down emotional barriers can create a legacy of openness and trust, paving the way for younger generations to feel comfortable expressing their own feelings.
How to Encourage Older Men to Open Up
While the benefits of expressing emotions are clear, encouraging older men to share their feelings takes patience, understanding, and sometimes a little creativity. Here are a few ways family members and friends can help create a space where older men feel comfortable opening up:
Lead by Example: Sometimes, the best way to encourage others is by sharing your own feelings. Demonstrating openness can help normalise these conversations and make them feel more natural.
Ask About Life Experiences: For many men, starting with memories and stories from the past is easier than diving straight into emotional discussions. Ask about favourite memories, life lessons, or pivotal moments. This can lead to more in-depth conversations about feelings over time.
Offer a Listening Ear Without Judgment: Being non-judgmental and simply listening can make all the difference. Sometimes, older men need to feel that their emotions won’t be dismissed or criticised before they feel comfortable sharing.
Suggest Group Activities: Men’s groups, book clubs, or hobby classes can help older men form bonds with peers and start conversations naturally. Many communities have senior centres with groups specifically for men, which can be a comfortable place to open up in a safe, supportive environment.
Encourage Professional Support: Therapy and counselling can provide tools for managing emotions in a constructive way, even if it feels unfamiliar at first. Some therapists specialise in working with seniors and can offer insights that resonate with older men’s experiences.
A New Era of Connection and Support
While generational norms can make discussing emotions difficult, times are changing. More and more men over 70 are discovering the benefits of expressing their feelings and finding support in both traditional and non-traditional ways. Taking the first step may feel challenging, but for older men, it can open doors to a healthier, more connected, and fulfilling life.
As we encourage older men to break down these barriers, we’re not only enhancing their quality of life but also paving the way for future generations to experience the strength and freedom that come with open, honest communication.
